As the old saying goes, “It takes two to tango.” It also takes two people to have a fight or an argument. And, it takes two people to resolve that fight as well.
The dance partner of an apology – is forgiveness.
When someone apologizes to us, the shalom thing to do is to forgive them. Let the matter go, and put the relationship back together.
If their apology strikes us as insincere or manipulative, we may choose to delay forgiveness to make a point. But hopefully the apology is sincere, coming from genuine regret of whatever they did to hurt or offend us. And in that case, one of our greatest sages, Maimonides, wrote that the quicker we forgive them the better.
Withholding forgiveness is considered cruelty.
On the other hand, if we want to let our shalom personality really shine, try this. We could even forgive a person BEFORE they apologize.
In fact, there is an ancient Jewish custom to take a moment before going to sleep every night, and forgive anyone who offended or upset us that day. It doesn’t matter if they asked for our forgiveness or not. We can beat them to it.
I know what you’re thinking: “Why should I forgive them if they didn’t apologize?”
The answer is – even if we forget about the other person for a moment – it’s so much better for US. Why hold onto the gripes and grudges we feel against people, when we can be free of all that. If we’re upset with someone, it affects us on many levels: Emotional, spiritual, even physical. If we let it go, we relieve yourselves of the negative emotions, and replace them with peace of mind.
We may not have patched up the relationship, but we’ll probably sleep better.
Try this today: Before we go to sleep, let’s take a moment and say, “I hereby forgive anyone who upset me today.”