It makes us feel good when other people pay attention to what we have to say. If people read what we post, forward our emails, or gather to listen as we tell a joke at a party, it makes us feel smart and popular.
Beyond that, listening to someone is a loving gift. By listening to someone, we show that we care about them, that they are important, and that we want to know what they have to say.
However, listening to someone can cause problems as well. Sometimes what is being said is not worthy of an audience—and then the act of listening enables the speaker to say what ought not to be said.
Therefore, we have to be careful listeners as much as we have to be careful speakers.
‘But what did I do wrong? I was just standing there!’
When I speak, I’m in control. What part do I play if I’m just listening?
Think about what it feels like to be on a phone call with someone who is watching TV and not paying attention to you. Long pauses, irrelevant comments and lack of interest in what you’re saying. You find some excuse to get off the phone and hang up.
When no one’s listening, the conversation ends.
When someone is really listening, on the other hand, we say more. Even as little as a nod and a smile of encouragement can make us embellish, repeat ourselves, and say much more than we might otherwise.
The listener has a much more powerful impact on what is said than we might realize. If no one was listening, there would be no lashon hara. The Torah forbids us to listen to lashon hara, just like it forbids us to say it.
Here’s your Daily To-Do:
Practice active listening. Pay attention, listen in order to understand, and recognize the power of listening.