Allowing lashon hara to tarnish our impression of someone, to think less of them, is when the real damage occurs. That’s when relationships suffer, friendships break down, opportunities are withheld, and disharmony and disunity replace peace and community.
But what if I need to know this information? It may be negative, but what if it’s important for me or others to know?
For example, what if someone begins to say that a certain person is untrustworthy. If I have any interactions with that person, in business or otherwise, I need to know if I can trust them.
In that case, it’s permissible and appropriate to listen to what is said and take any necessary precautions. This would also be true if I didn’t have any personal interactions with them, but I know others that do — I can listen to what is said for their benefit.
But even as I am listening to what is said as a precautionary measure, I shouldn’t automatically believe that it’s true and treat that person poorly as a result.
This nuance requires sophistication.
For constructive purposes, I’m allowed to know what is being said and to take precautions, but I can’t believe that the report is true — or let it color my opinion of that person — unless I know the information to be true from firsthand knowledge or verification.
Here’s your Daily To-Do:
If someone tells you a negative story about another person today, think about whether there is a constructive purpose for hearing the story, and firmly decide that you don’t believe it.