As long as the identity of the person remains unknown to the listener, one does not violate the prohibition of speaking lashon hara when retelling the story.
However, you have to be careful that no one listening can figure out who you’re talking about, either now or later.
Using phrases such as “Mr. You-Know-Who” or “your friend,” when the meaning is clear to everyone doesn’t help.
If you tell a story about someone in a small group of people, and everyone knows exactly who you mean, it would be lashon hara even if you never mention their name. For example, if only one coworker was missing from the meeting, and you said, “Some people will be late for their own funeral!” that’s lashon hara, because everyone knows that you’re ridiculing the person who’s late.
Or let’s say you tell a story about a neighbor whose car has a silly bumper sticker on it. At the time you tell the story, no one listening knows who you are talking about. However, they could very easily chance upon the car with that bumper sticker, and then the identity of the person becomes obvious. That would be lashon hara.
Telling a story without names is a valuable skill to teach our children. When a child has something important that they want to communicate to an adult, we need to listen. However, if there is no need to know the name of the person or persons involved, and the story contains lashon hara, it’s much better for them not to mention any names. That way, we can be available to hear what they want to tell us, and we can teach them to avoid lashon hara at the same time.
Daily To-Do:
Practice telling a story without mentioning the name of the person involved.