You and I both know that one of the main causes of strife is money.
In any close relationship — whether it’s a marriage, a business partnership, or a friendship —- when a question of money arises, we grab the boxing gloves.
Your partner orders an expensive bottle of wine and you think, “I’M not paying for that!”
Your colleague leaves the company car a mess and you say, “YOU pay to get it cleaned!”
Your neighbor throws a baseball through the window and in a not-so-neighborly way you scold, “YOU broke it. YOU pay for it!”
Without any money at stake, we would easily be able to forgive and forget. But if doing so involves taking out our wallet… it becomes so much harder.
How can we handle money issues so that they don’t cause conflict?
A couple centuries ago, a wise rabbi proposed the following shalom-hack:
Keep a Shalom Account.
What’s a Shalom Account, you ask? It’s a savings account specifically earmarked for the mitzvah of “keeping the shalom.” You deposit money into it regularly and if you get into an argument over money, you just pull the money out of your Shalom Account and settle the argument.
The psychology of it is like this:
If you’re being asked to pay for something that you don’t feel is really your responsibility, the added stress of losing the money makes it harder to concede and maintain shalom in the relationship.
BUT, if the money is already there to pay for it, it takes that stress off the table. It’s as if the money was already paid.
Of course, if it’s a significant amount of money, and you can’t afford to let it go, you can always seek just restitution.
But for the small stuff, which is much more frequent and pernicious, let your Shalom Account cover it.
Try this today: Take a few minutes and set up your Shalom Account. An investment into your Shalom Account is like a direct deposit to your peace of mind.