When we discuss the opposite of shalom, also known as machloket, we have to remember that each and every one of us is carrying a concealed weapon.
That weapon is anger.
Like a handgun, anger erupts in the blink of an eye, wreaking havoc and causing distress to everyone present.
Nothing disrupts shalom as well as anger does.
The real culprit though, the ultimate source of anger, is the ego. With very little provocation, our fragile ego gets triggered, and we become annoyed, provoked, and angry.
It’s a lifelong project to reign in our ego and replace it with humility. None of us are as humble as Moses, who the Torah describes as the humblest human being that ever lived. All of us wrestle with our own ego to some extent, and we likely struggle with anger, too.
Here are two factors that often inflame our ego and make us angry.
Number 1: Jealousy
When a sibling, colleague, or peer is treated better than we are — or praised in our presence — it makes us feel jealous.
We think, “Why does he get such praise and not me? Why did she get promoted and not me?”
We automatically compare ourselves to others and find ourselves lacking. Our bruised ego responds with anger, often directed at the object of our jealousy. It could be a friend, or even a family member, but due to the wounded ego, those people suddenly become the enemy.
To counteract a jealous ego, think of ways that you respect, appreciate, and love the person we’re feeling jealousy toward. Since those feelings make us feel closer to the person, it negates the opposite feeling that jealousy inspires.
Number 2: Frustration
Frustration occurs when we feel like our will is being thwarted or we’re being ignored or we’re being prevented from doing what we want. This sense of insignificance triggers the ego. It feels to us like rebellion, like nothing that we say matters. And we get angry.
We think, “How dare they ignore me?! Am I so unimportant?”
The way to overcome frustration is to put things into perspective.
Was there any real rebellious intent here? Did anyone purposefully decide to ignore you today?
Probably not.
More likely it was a mistake, an oversight, or a simple miscommunication. Keeping things in context can help assuage the ego and calm the anger.
Try this today: If you experience jealousy or frustration, try to recognize the ego at work. Think about the big picture, and see if you can overcome the feeling of anger.