In our first two weeks of this year’s Clean Speech Colorado campaign, we worked on developing a shalom personality and how to use it to maintain a peaceful demeanor even around difficult people.
But what if we are the problem and not the other person? That’s what we’re going to talk about now.
Have you ever heard of that game called, “Who Am I”?
It’s played like this.
Everyone takes a card with the name of a famous person on it. Without looking at what’s written on the card, you tape the card to your forehead with the name facing outward so everyone can read it — except you. You walk around the room trying to figure out who “you” are.
Card games aside, isn’t that just like life?
In a room full of people, each one of us has our unique personality which everyone else sees — though we ourselves might not recognize it.
This person is the jokester, and that person gives friendly advice. This person makes tactless remarks, and that person has to smooth them over.
And the question you try to answer for yourself is… who am I?
Do you make everyone else in the room feel more comfortable and at ease… or the opposite?
When dealing with difficult people, the first step is to determine who is the difficult person in this situation. Because maybe it’s you!
Maybe, just maybe, without intending to be difficult or argumentative, you are causing the problem, instigating the argument, and eliciting the heated response.
Very often — without realizing it — we trigger other people’s negative reaction to us and then we get upset with them for it.
When someone you’re speaking with, especially a good friend or family member, suddenly becomes “difficult,” stop and think, “Did I do or say something to provoke them?”
Try this today: If someone around you seems to be acting irrationally, before getting into an argument with them, stop and think if you might have been the cause.