Our natural inclination when dealing with difficult people is to get angry.
Our blood boils.
We think, “How dare they speak to me like that?”
Unfortunately, getting angry does little to fix the problem. Instead it strips us of any shred of shalom we would have otherwise felt.
So, here are three tips to manage those angry reactive moments.
First: Don’t say it. The best way to avoid an argument and to keep the peace is to remain silent.
Here’s a creative example:
In the city of Lelov, the Chassidic rebbes would dispense “holy water” which was guaranteed to keep the peace at home. They told people that if they were in an argument that they should hold the water in their mouth without swallowing it for as long as they could. In that time, the feelings of anger would usually pass, and with them, the argument, too.
Second: If you can’t remain silent, wait.
Pushing off your sharp response will help you to tone it down and leave you time to rethink your feelings. Rarely will your feelings stay at the same level of intensity.
If you find that you HAVE to yell and shout, try doing it in private, or better yet in front of a mirror. Watching yourself explode in anger will probably make you think twice about saying anything.
It might even make you laugh.
After all, a person who has lost their temper is a ridiculous sight.
Third: If you get into an argument, nip it in the bud.
Many personal arguments begin over something trite. But even a minor quarrel can grow and fester if not addressed.
When two people are upset with each other, any snide comment or incivility is taken as an affront, deepening the lines of contention and enmity.
To prevent that from happening, fix things right away. A good practice for close friends and family members is not to go to sleep until ruffled feathers have been smoothed over.
Try this today: If someone speaks to you in an offensive manner, see if you can bite your tongue. If you need to, go get some water, and keep it in your mouth as long as you can.