After an arduous journey by wagon, they arrived at the home of the girl’s family. Her father greeted them and welcomed them into the parlor. As they began to get to know each other, the host made a humorous comment, and Rabbi Eiger looked at him quizzically.
“I was just making a joke,” the host explained.
In astonishment, Rabbi Eiger said, “A prospective shidduch, and you make a joke? Come Shlomo, we’re leaving!” And that was that.
To our ear, the story may seem surprising. In our generation, it is totally expected that anyone and everyone, in almost any life situation, would tell a joke. After all, where would we be without “Jewish” humor?
What’s critically important to recognize, however, is that making a joke is often at someone else’s expense. A sarcastic comment, a witty pun, or a well-crafted joke can make people laugh, and simultaneously make the subject of that laughter want to disappear in a puff of embarrassment.
At a recent Jewish youth group conference, one of the young participants shared that he didn’t think so-called “Holocaust jokes” were a big deal and, when his friends told them, he just went along with it or ignored it. Another kid stood up and said, “You’re laughing at a joke about a situation that led to the murder of my grandfather? That’s just as bad as telling it yourself!”
Frequently, after saying something hurtful, we’ll say, “Well, I was just kidding” as if that takes away the sting of the insult. But something said as a joke can be just as hurtful, and is just as problematic, as if it were just said outright. To relate an amusing incident for entertainment purposes that would cause embarrassment to any of the people involved, is cruel — and it’s lashon hara.
Perhaps that’s why “Jewish” humor tends to be self-deprecating. No one else should be implicated in the gag but the speaker.
Daily To-Do:
Pay attention to when jokes are made today, and assess who is affected by the joke. What could you have done differently in the situation?