Even when information becomes common knowledge, it could still be lashon hara.
Before the information is verified as true, it should not even be believed. As the saying goes, “Don’t believe everything you read.” Even when an awful story makes the front page of the newspaper and captures everyone’s attention, when the story turns out to be false, the correction is barely mentioned on the bottom of page 12, where no one even sees it.
And even if the story is verified, it is still proper not to discuss it.
And here we come to an important life lesson about speech: Not everything needs to be said.
Yes, it may be true. Yes, because everyone knows about it there may be no real damage being done to the person by repeating it. But no, it does not necessarily warrant discussion or make us or the people around us happier, healthier, or holier.
Sometimes, even negative messages that need to be communicated can be expressed without actually saying any negative words.
There is an instructive story in the Book of Samuel about King Saul, his son Jonathan, and David, that is one of the Haftorah readings.
Jonathan is concerned that his father, the King, may intend to eliminate David from the kingdom. Therefore, he tells David that he will assess the King’s attitude toward him, and let him know.
They make up a special code for communication: Jonathan will shoot his arrows and then tell his attendant where to find them, all within earshot of David. If he says the arrows are closer in, it means that David is safe around the king. If he says that the arrows are farther away, it means that David should flee.
In fact, Jonathan’s fears are justified, the King wants David’s head. He tells his attendant that the arrows are further away, indicating that David should flee. After the attendant departs, David and Jonathan share a final, emotional farewell before David goes into hiding.
When you read the story, you’re left wondering why David and Jonathan needed the code, which seems to be the focus of the story. They were able to talk just fine afterwards. Why didn’t Jonathan just tell David about the King’s murderous intentions directly?
The lesson is powerful. Although Jonathan could have told David clearly that his father wanted to kill him, he chose not to. He found another way to communicate the message, and avoided verbalizing the negative words.
Here’s your Daily To-Do:
Find an opportunity to express restraint and refrain from saying something that can — and should — be left out.