As we enter our second week of Clean Speech Colorado, Oseh Shalom | Words of Peace, let’s learn how to apply our skills to more challenging situations — like dealing with difficult people.
Demonstrating a calm, pleasant demeanor on a sunny afternoon with friends is one thing.
Maintaining your shalom when a rude co-worker is yelling at you is quite another.
Yet it is possible.
The last words of the Mourner’s Kaddish state, “He who makes shalom in His heavens, He should make shalom for us, and for all Israel.”
What’s the connection between peace in heaven and peace on earth? And why does God have to make peace in heaven? Isn’t everything already peaceful there?
In our mystical tradition, there are different types of angels who reside in the heavens. Some are like fire and some are like water. Yet despite their contradictory natures, they manage to serve alongside one another in peace and harmony.
The Mourner’s Kaddish is referring to that kind of shalom — a shalom even when it’s not easy.
And it’s not always easy to have shalom with people who we would rather stay away from.
Like fire from water.
You know the type.
The co-worker who criticizes every suggestion you make. The cousin who nobody wants to sit next to. People whose company is just plain difficult.
How can we live in peace with difficult people?
The first rule when dealing with a difficult person is to show them respect.
You don’t have to respect their attitude, their point of view, or their behavior. But you do have to respect them as a human being.
A person, despite being unpleasant or insensitive, still needs to be regarded as having value and worth.
And what you’ll find is that when you treat someone with respect, they will respond in kind and be more peaceful toward you.
Treating people with respect despite the way you may feel about them is a fundamental skill of a shalom personality.
Try this today: When in the company of someone who you don’t feel so comfortable around, choose to treat them with respect. See how they respond.